Generosity and grace: York Two

Generosity and grace: York Two

The difficulty with Yearly Meeting Gathering is there is so much going on. I am reacting by trying to do the right amount, whatever that is. There are also the pressures of family – although the children’s activities are excellent, the children don’t want to be in them all the time. For example, yesterday the kids wanted to do the film, which did not slot neatly with the Swathmore Lecture, and they wanted me to come too. So Sarah did the Lecture and I will have to read the book.

Yesterday’s main bit started with four presentations on committed relationships, four couples gave their account of their lives. I was told there had been no discussion beforehand but the four talks, given with wit and love and sincerity, presented a clear and compelling case. A lesbian couple with a small baby had received lots of individual support from Friends and had held a Quaker commitment ceremony, but they had not formally approached their meeting to do it in the meeting house ‘officially’. They had not wanted to have to be the pioneers and deal with the process of getting approval. A young gay male couple brought up as Quakers had adopted two children. Faced with the legal impossibility of gay marriage in this country they had found a Quaker meeting in Canada which was willing to do it, providing their own meeting promised the ongoing care which is part of Quaker life. Their own meeting in Yorkshire had supported them before during and after the process and had held a meeting for worship to affirm them on their return. An older opposite sex couple had been friends, had reared their own children to adulthood, and then had seen their own partners die. The two of them had come together, moved to Quakers and remarried. Their affirmation reminded us that some excellent marriages are not founded on the need to have children. (George Fox married Margaret Fell when she was too old to have children.) Finally another male couple talked through their spiritual journey, their struggles with sexuality and the affirmation they had received from their meetings. This was the longest talk I think and as moving as the rest.

There may have been those in the hall unmoved but the eight individuals (only five spoke) had a profound effect. We were then offered a variety of ways to ponder, in small groups, some with a theme, some designed for those with difficulties, some for those who wanted to ponder the legal, or Biblical or practical issues. The Gathering organisers have deliberately offered formal and informal time for discussion and contemplation, with the actually attempt to form a minute later in the week. This might work, it might not, the time allowed for the business side is perilously brief, in my view. But then I was saying a year ago that Yearly Meeting would do well not to claim it can get this done in one year.

There is a writing wall where people are sticking their thoughts on post it notes. Pull your finger out and get on with it is the main thrust.

I didn’t get to a response group, having agreed to meet up with someone. There are some important discussions for individuals in the cafes and walks by the lake, as people grapple with their own lives and relationships.

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